Postmortem & Reflection

Hello!

Thank you to all the folks who have played Serenity at Dusk!!

After (soon to be) 3 years, I though I’d revisit the development and actually explore what itch’s devlog feature had to offer!

This was my narrative thesis project for my final year in college and also was the last large project I worked on since 2021. There are a lot of behind-the-scenes sketch concepts and narrative scraps but also reflections I’d like to share regarding the development of this project. ‘Serenity at Dusk’ is quite special to me and still serves as a testament to my capabilities as a artist, game dev, and writer. And of course, I’ll forever be thankful for having Lux and Antoine help bring this project to life!

The Narrative: Regret and Forgiveness

Unfortunately, due to the time restraints, there was a lot of narrative that was cut from the final game. The original narrative plans for ‘Serenity at Dusk’ were written with the theme of regret and forgiveness in mind. As it stands, Serenity at Dusk’s story revolves around Jackie and Mr.Feng. But their original roles as catalysts were to explore the stories of the 3 patients, all who were dealing with a different type of regret.

In the current game, the most you learn were the lives and problems the patients faced. In full, each patient would have had their own regret, perpetuated by a different type or “poison” of regret. In turn, when you started concocting the medicine to help said patients, the player would suggest different steps or “ingredients” to lead the patient in the right direction.

For example: one of the patients, the little girl, faces trauma revolving her late mother who was murdered while she hid for safety. The poison that perpetuated her regret was her perceived lack of action/agency. As she grew up, it would poison her thoughts with hypotheticals; “I should have killed them”, “I should have gone to get help”, “I should take revenge on them now”.

Playing as Jackie, you would choose any of the poisonous hypotheticals to examine for educational purposes. Mr. Feng would demonstrate the process of guiding the poisoned mind through forgiveness, not of others but forgiveness of oneself. And which ever hypothetical Jackie previously chose, you would see the possible outcome of a forgiven future: ex. “Growing up to protect youth and provide community enrichment”, “Growing up to excel and educate others in self defense”, “Growing up and visiting her mother’s grave often with loved ones”

This would repeat for all three patients before you were introduced to Jackie’s own regrets and path of forgiveness.

Even though this is one of the patient’s stories out of three, I do hope to revisit this concept. Rewriting this reflection has lead me to brainstormed of alternate methods to tell the story. But I probably will leave this project as it is, it seems like my game projects always seem like time capsules for my brain space in a mysterious way.

The Art: Uniformity and Over Rendering

The art, particularly the character sprites, were rushed but wasn’t cut back like the narrative was. I still manage to take pride over the details of the environment and character designs. Inspired off of traditional qi paos and kimonos while adding the key visual of a doctor’s white coat, I designed Mr. Feng and Older Jack to look as if they stepped out of a fantastical, mythological temple while having the same ruff and scruff as a corner store mom n’ pop shop.

Younger Jackie wears a tracksuit that is familiar to main land china’s school tracksuit uniforms which gives her a more active vibe. compared to other school uniforms, I didn’t want her to look naiive or delicate, but curious and youthful.

The apothecary was inspired by traditional Chinese medicine apothecaries that have jars and cabinets lining the walls with every type of herb or ingredient there is to know. Though it’s also serves as a small “cafe”. In real life, there are patients who would like the doctors to help boil the medicine for them instead of taking a bundle of herbs to take home and boil. And if they provide this service, there’s usually a seating area with a table for those to take the medicine.

For Jackie and Mr. Feng, instead of taking medicine, this is where she conducted her interview.

Project Ambition and Mental Health

The development of this game was made in the span of 4 months while juggling a few other classes as well as the development of another game for my main thesis class.

This project was originally the secondary focus compared to my main thesis project, ‘Bird of the Land and Sea’. Over time, this project became too ambitious and shifted from a game project to a series of painted illustrations with a 3D teaser of what-would-have-been the terrain of said game project. You can see the 3D teaser here: https://sketchfab.com/3d-models/woman-with-the-parasol-10856726c11944978f822c98be0a6905

Needless to say, but I packed my last semester of school to the brim with work!! Definitely piled more on my plate then I could chew. And of course, this over ambitious tenacity also affected ‘Serenity at Dusk’.

Even though the game wasn’t completely scrapped like ‘Bird of the Land and Sea’, the writing of ‘Serenity at Dusk’ was mostly impacted by the time restraint and lead to cutbacks. At the time, I was deeply upset that the substance and context I would have provided was not included in the narrative. Seeing how the deeper themes were abruptly introduced without a proper lead up or seeing how the 3 patients’ case studies were presented like isolated story segments felt like I wasn’t destined to be a writer. Ignoring coincidence of the game’s moral, it was unfortunate that the shame turned me away from game dev and writing for a long time.

Reflecting on this change and revisiting it 3 years later, I see that what little time I had, on top of other numerous obligations, I couldn’t have possibly faulted myself for the decision to decrease the scope; for polishing a shorter version of the full story. If anything, It was the best decision to save my own mental health and prepped me for having better future work habits.

Ending thoughts

Revisiting this project was very helpful in terms of waking up to game development again. It’s been a while since I’ve examined my work and I believe it time to oil the gears again.

Again, thank you to anyone who has played and enjoyed my games.

If you’re curious where I am, I’ve been working full time as a project manager and artist at Freebird Games while winning back life from my workaholic and depressive tenacities by playing minecraft. I hope to see you soon with my own titles but until then!

— kayden